Archive for November, 2010

A few “strange” ones…

Did you ever have those “weird” ones in school with you? I had plenty! Who are still weird. I was in an all-girls school. I swear there was a lesbian…. She used to hold hands with another chipmunk type girl, sit under the araliya tree and cry.. every morning. (No, really.. she did). Someone else saw them “canoodling” behind a stack of library books. (awww) Anyway, the crier is now married to a potential porn site developer and the chipmunk is probably heartbroken.

We also had a very “religious” species. She used to carve on our wooden desks that Jesus loved her. Fair enough. We received our O/L grades (in 2000… my god I feel ancient) and she ran around the netball court shouting “ Jesus is great…” We also had a potential weirdo who is now completely whack. She found a sugar daddy and the sugar daddy found someone else. Now she too is a whack job. Right now, she actually believes that Michael Jackson is a reincarnated sea turtle. (She thinks it is real and she actually believes it) – I do have a job, but most of my lunch break is spent stalking these people on facebook. ( I am nice.. really….. grin!)

The best one is our hooker by night! I mean, she is in a far away place and her pictures certainly say a thousand words.. ( sometimes it gets me speechless) She even changed her name after leaving Sri Lanka. Who in their right minds would change their name to “bebot”!??! I swear a play boy bunny magazine gone completely wrong would look like one of her albums. She has her standard micro mini type poses – so the nice one that I am – I comment. “wow, stunning.. wow.. could this get any better or I love your pvc outfit, so in style along with your leopard type almost topless top  ” She always takes it as a compliment….sarcasm clearly doesn’t work…

School was the best!

Why work is never boring

Yaka and Cleopatra keep me entertained: This is just a random chat on a normal workday when the three of us are “supposedly” busy:

Hangover Girl:

I hope a giant crab bites your toe…… I couldn’t help that.. it just came out…. Why are you craving crabs? You have strange cravings at odd times. Is there something you are not telling us?

Cleo

I’m getting crab curry that first week I’m back. Will eat like there’s no tomorrow. Wear trousers with an elastic waist band ok

HG:

I will feed you both snails….. fried… speaking of fried.. I was thinking of our earlier conversation with the guy who fancied Cleopatra with one boley… with kondey.. I have a sexy Bond night this weekend.

Cleo:

Bond night? Cool no. What’s everyone going as? What are you going as? Have you found a bond Anne summers outfit yet

HG:

black dress with slit upto my boobs… ( that’s the only way to go ) and im thinking instead of a gun to carry a brrr brrrr ( I cant tell in case these emails are horeng seen) let me explain in sinhala… instead of a gun, brr brr as in kolla haven’t kella settles for brrr brrrr from kadey… battery included. Imagine… I can wave it around and switch it on to fast mode.. BRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRR scary…..

Cleo:

I swear that last email is the reason I’m friends with you!! Brr brr! I don’t think you had to know sinhese to understand that reference.You MUST take one with you and wear it on a gun holster. You will be my hero if you do.

Yaka (after hibernation)

HAHAHAHA. i feel like i should frame this conversation.mad only. i told no Hangover girl should go as pussy galore and instead of that pathetic pen knife you should take the brr brr. and i will also buy you a shot (at a cheap place ah) if you do. yesssss crab curry. i will wear a maternity frock and come for lunch ah.

When trains to London are too expensive

I get a coach… Not cool.. Especially if the seat next to you is occupied by a large chav type man… I swear this is the only time I am all evil…. Last time I was on a coach, there was plenty of space but the above mentioned sat himself next to me. (I had no intentions of sitting through a three hour coach trip with a Miniature Yokozuna.. At least Yokozuna was famous). When one of my friend’s phoned me up I whispered (Of course I knew Mini Yoko was listening) to her saying “Aiyo, there is a fat man next to me men…” He glared at me, got up and switched seats… (I have a halo that occasionally glows… most of the time the horns protrude).

 

Some don’t take a subtle hint….for those type of people, I usually start coughing like a dying TB patient… (Proper clearing throat and everything) they look worried, stare at me ( I know they are thinking “contagious contagious”) they get up, and switch seats…

Sounds evil – works like a charm. Bright side – travelling in comfort – for cheap. (Based on this post and my doings – I think I’ll end up in hell… at least I can chill with satan and put a good shot of arrack).

The brightside of Manchester

I am not a fan of the A50 and the M6. Definitely not when I’m stuck on the M6 for an hour with a conference I was supposed to attend 30 minutes ago. (To be fair, it was on cloud computing.. who the hell cares? That was NOT what I signed up for!!)  I’m sat in traffic, listening to (or at least trying to listen to) a full song on radio but it keeps tuning into traffic updates (No shit – I know there’s a jam.. I’m bloody stuck in it!)

Almost two hours (late), trying to park (Yes, when you’re a woman it’s just harder.. thats how it rolls), finally walking to wherever this conference was being held, probably less than a mile away it rains (When does it ever NOT rain in Manchester?) I have no clue where I’m going and I’m positive I’m slightly lost. Despite the horrible traffic and rainy/ gloomy start, I can’t help but notice the little things I’ve never stopped to look at when I used to visit Manchester. (Probably because yaka was getting hangover girl very drunk or feeding her ten eggs a day). The people seemed cheerful somehow (one of them walked me right to my destination) and the buildings seemed different. For a change, I was noticing Peter Street,  Oxford Street and everything else other than the pubs. (Yes, I sometimes focus on other things too when yaka is not distracting me with a bottle).

I think Manchester is pretty. Despite the rain , but it won’t be Manchester without it. There was a bald construction worker (if he had to bend over anymore I would’ve seen a butt crack I’d never want to see) blaring his music. I barely listen to The Killers or know more than two of their songs, but this stuck in my head even afterwards, and for some reason, maybe it’s the beat, title.. no idea – it will ring a bell and remind me of the brightside of Manchester along with the drunken staggering times 4-5 years ago (Has it been that long?) , the drunk magic bus rides to Fallowfield and making  kavum for avurudu during my short weekend visits…

music – getting better or worse?

Some of my colleagues are quite interested in getting to know more about Sri Lanka (considering I am the only Sri Lankan at work!). Questions vary from “what are the chicks like” (Yes, I work in a male dominant organisation) to “food” and today it was “what type of music is produced over there?”

 They youtubed it of course. (not me, them). One of the songs that came up was something called “Scooby” – a Sinhala rap and a video clip with Scooby doo running around. They asked me what the song meant. (How am I supposed to explain “mas kattak gena ennam next time jump eke?) When I did translate it, they just laughed.

 Although there is a new Bathiya and Santhush song that I find quite catchy! A papare or baila remix. I did tap my feet to it and it would probably be good after a few drinks at a baila party over here.  

 I wonder – is the music getting better? Or worse?

 

P:S – I did see a song titled “gemba” on youtube… I’m just waiting for them to ask me about Sri Lankan politics. Maybe I should just save the Mega star final video clip for future reference.

I miss home when I miss . . .

  • Green cabin lamprais
  • Quiz night at inn on the green
  • Thambili
  • Mervyn silva and political entertainment
  • Spicy ambarella achcharu
  • Cheese Koththu after a drunken night
  • Mangoosteen and rambutang
  • Buba

  • Rice, dry fish and gotukola
  • The beach
  • (Galle) Road rage – ado thoge aachchige paraada yako!
  • Police checkpoints (im not drunk raalahami – hic . . . here’s a thousand bucks…)
  • The sun…

I can’t wait to go home in December!

Growing Marijuana in who’s yard?

I saw this on YouTube (Don’t ask me why I was searching for Marijuana related songs…) 23rdSAS posted it sometime back and I think it’s an inspiration to all of us!

Think about it – You can always sing this song out loud… Imagine singing a Tila Tequila or Mickey Avalon song on a crowded bus, train or sewer?

I like to F*** – Tila Tequila (It doesn’t get better… No, really:  “All my girlfriends trip cause I give a good dick away and make em all say daddy”)

My Dick – Mickey Avalon (Imagine, standing in a crowded platform waiting for your train humming “My dick got locked in a cage right – You dick suffer from stage fright”).

Moral of this post: Grow Marijuana in your yard!!